Everything changes.
Everyone changes and I am no exception to this. From a very submissive personality to a leader, now I have changed to a very dominant personality.
I realised it a few days back when I observed that I am no more able to control my anger.
I have become more rigid and adamant. If I feel something is wrong than I don't listen to others.
I shout, knowing that it's not required, still I don't stop myself.
The consequences are that I am hurting people around me.
I am pushing away people who really matter.
I always say that "When you know you are wrong, you are half right."
Seems to me that I have been satisfying myself by being just half right.
Lately I realised that the other half is equally important.
Now I can't go back and apologise to everyone, but if you read this and you feel that i have been this rude to you sometime, than I want you to know that I have realised where I was wrong and I will work on this attitude of mine.
A very special person said to me.
A Leader is always loved but a dictator is never.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
unforgettable journeys
28 August 2006
9:00 AM
As the engine whistled, I got in the train. My mom and my dad didn’t. They were at the platform and they were not travelling with me. I hadn’t stayed away from my family for more than two days. This time we knew it will be long. I was leaving for my college. My mom knew that this is something which is necessary, but , it was hard for her to come to the fact that I won’t be around. I was least interested to go. I was not interested to join my college. I was not looking forward to the hostel life or anything. I just didn’t want to leave. As the train moved I saw a drop of tear rolling down her cheek, which was way too far for me to wipe it off. As if I skipped a heartbeat. I came to the fact about how tough it’s going to be. The train moved on and she was out of my sight soon, my tears which were hiding from my mother made their presence felt as soon as my train left the platform.
16th July 2007
11:30 PM
I was in the train with Mom and Dad. Two of my friends who were also in Indore with me, accompanied us. The pain in my shoulder and arm was getting out of control, but compared to the what pain I got a month back, this was actually nothing. So, I reached the door and I stopped for a moment to take a look around. There were around 10 people standing down waiting for me to get down. My Dad helped me to get down and I declined the wheel chair. I decided that I can walk to the car. I was overwhelmed and surprised. As I stepped down, there was this feeling of being home. Jammu. I thought that finally it’s all over and I have made it home, safe and alive. I controlled my tears because I did not want anyone their to lose their enthusiasm. The car stopped in front of my house it was almost midnight but everyone was standing out waiting to see if I was fine. My friends and neighbors. I took a step and there she was standing. My aunt, very close to our family. I hugged her and that’s when I could not control my emotions. I was not sad, I was just happy to make it.
21 June 2010
4:30 PM
I was at the railway station again. This time I was not alone. It was me along with my roommate from Delhi and two friends who had come to see us off. College got over and this was it, we were leaving. There were no tears, just promises to keep in touch and yearly meets. The train moved and we got inside. I was going home. I was unemployed so the happiness of being home was compromised. I was making plans of getting enrolled in some course which will also give me a job later on. I reached Delhi. Me and my friend said good bye. I reached home and called my friend who had come to see me off. Moments later my brother walked in, back from office.
12 October 2010
11:30 PM
I was at the Delhi airport. As happy as I can be. I was going home, with a job and the best part was that I would be spending nothing less than two months “being home”. I was texting all my friends, I called my Mom about what I wanted for lunch , I put in my earplugs and put on some RnB. I reached home. Today it has been almost 1 and a half month. I have got used to being home again. I feel the same way I felt when I was in school. I know that I have to leave soon, again, for a long time, this time it will be longer than ever before. I know that time my Mom and Dad will come to see me off. I know that I will again hold my tears until they are out of sight. I know that I’ll not be ok.
9:00 AM
As the engine whistled, I got in the train. My mom and my dad didn’t. They were at the platform and they were not travelling with me. I hadn’t stayed away from my family for more than two days. This time we knew it will be long. I was leaving for my college. My mom knew that this is something which is necessary, but , it was hard for her to come to the fact that I won’t be around. I was least interested to go. I was not interested to join my college. I was not looking forward to the hostel life or anything. I just didn’t want to leave. As the train moved I saw a drop of tear rolling down her cheek, which was way too far for me to wipe it off. As if I skipped a heartbeat. I came to the fact about how tough it’s going to be. The train moved on and she was out of my sight soon, my tears which were hiding from my mother made their presence felt as soon as my train left the platform.
16th July 2007
11:30 PM
I was in the train with Mom and Dad. Two of my friends who were also in Indore with me, accompanied us. The pain in my shoulder and arm was getting out of control, but compared to the what pain I got a month back, this was actually nothing. So, I reached the door and I stopped for a moment to take a look around. There were around 10 people standing down waiting for me to get down. My Dad helped me to get down and I declined the wheel chair. I decided that I can walk to the car. I was overwhelmed and surprised. As I stepped down, there was this feeling of being home. Jammu. I thought that finally it’s all over and I have made it home, safe and alive. I controlled my tears because I did not want anyone their to lose their enthusiasm. The car stopped in front of my house it was almost midnight but everyone was standing out waiting to see if I was fine. My friends and neighbors. I took a step and there she was standing. My aunt, very close to our family. I hugged her and that’s when I could not control my emotions. I was not sad, I was just happy to make it.
21 June 2010
4:30 PM
I was at the railway station again. This time I was not alone. It was me along with my roommate from Delhi and two friends who had come to see us off. College got over and this was it, we were leaving. There were no tears, just promises to keep in touch and yearly meets. The train moved and we got inside. I was going home. I was unemployed so the happiness of being home was compromised. I was making plans of getting enrolled in some course which will also give me a job later on. I reached Delhi. Me and my friend said good bye. I reached home and called my friend who had come to see me off. Moments later my brother walked in, back from office.
12 October 2010
11:30 PM
I was at the Delhi airport. As happy as I can be. I was going home, with a job and the best part was that I would be spending nothing less than two months “being home”. I was texting all my friends, I called my Mom about what I wanted for lunch , I put in my earplugs and put on some RnB. I reached home. Today it has been almost 1 and a half month. I have got used to being home again. I feel the same way I felt when I was in school. I know that I have to leave soon, again, for a long time, this time it will be longer than ever before. I know that time my Mom and Dad will come to see me off. I know that I will again hold my tears until they are out of sight. I know that I’ll not be ok.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Muddle Headed, as always
While sitting on the couch and resting my bums and sipping some tea, while soaking some vitamin D, I was in deep thoughts.
It was no hot model bombshell. Not about anyone doing me wrong. No apologies. No nostalgia. It was about how procrastinating I have become, and I think I am not the only one. We can make a wolf pack and then keep on delaying our jobs together. At least I won't feel guilty after that, cos i know everyone is being an ass. I delay everything and the only reason that is good enough is that may be i have lost my seriousness about issues which ought to be dealt with a little more seriousness than the seriousness i deal them with. I usually waste my time talking to people or downloading torrents or writing some silly rhymes, which are of no good. But still i can't find myself motivated enough to take the very first step towards the goal. Well yes there is this thing that I am a good goal setter. When I look back after that, I realise that I set some goals and forgot about them. There has to be a way for me to start getting serious about my stuff. It's high time. The worst part is that to delay a job i come up with cockamamie reasons. I just end up discombobulating myself. There are always two outcomes when I delay something.
1) The job never gets done, hence, M a loser
2) The job gets done at the very last moment, M still a (you know what, right?)
I don't find the will to get off the bed, stop the movie or whatever I find comfort in and exert my brain in some coding or software engineering stuff.
Sounds lame because, I am going to be a part of a software company very soon.
God, I wish i did not have tha rinky-dink piece of nerve fibres stuffed inside my skull.
It was no hot model bombshell. Not about anyone doing me wrong. No apologies. No nostalgia. It was about how procrastinating I have become, and I think I am not the only one. We can make a wolf pack and then keep on delaying our jobs together. At least I won't feel guilty after that, cos i know everyone is being an ass. I delay everything and the only reason that is good enough is that may be i have lost my seriousness about issues which ought to be dealt with a little more seriousness than the seriousness i deal them with. I usually waste my time talking to people or downloading torrents or writing some silly rhymes, which are of no good. But still i can't find myself motivated enough to take the very first step towards the goal. Well yes there is this thing that I am a good goal setter. When I look back after that, I realise that I set some goals and forgot about them. There has to be a way for me to start getting serious about my stuff. It's high time. The worst part is that to delay a job i come up with cockamamie reasons. I just end up discombobulating myself. There are always two outcomes when I delay something.
1) The job never gets done, hence, M a loser
2) The job gets done at the very last moment, M still a (you know what, right?)
I don't find the will to get off the bed, stop the movie or whatever I find comfort in and exert my brain in some coding or software engineering stuff.
Sounds lame because, I am going to be a part of a software company very soon.
God, I wish i did not have tha rinky-dink piece of nerve fibres stuffed inside my skull.
Monday, November 22, 2010
#25
Like the sky
and the water
we're so far away, from eachother
like the mountain
and the ocean
we're so far away, fom eachother
there has to be a place
has to be a way
so that tonyt i can make u stay
baby thats the way
u n me
we r gonna be together always
m gonna hold u now
m gonna tell u how
how we are gonna be together always
like a child
to his mother
m gonna keep u in my heart forever
like the moon
calls the water
m gonna come to u like that forever
girl ur a gem
which m not gonna trade
girl u r a card
which m not gonna play
girl u r a memory
which will never fade
baby thats the way
u n me
we r gonna be together always
m gonna hold u now
m gonna tell u how
how we are gonna be together always
and the water
we're so far away, from eachother
like the mountain
and the ocean
we're so far away, fom eachother
there has to be a place
has to be a way
so that tonyt i can make u stay
baby thats the way
u n me
we r gonna be together always
m gonna hold u now
m gonna tell u how
how we are gonna be together always
like a child
to his mother
m gonna keep u in my heart forever
like the moon
calls the water
m gonna come to u like that forever
girl ur a gem
which m not gonna trade
girl u r a card
which m not gonna play
girl u r a memory
which will never fade
baby thats the way
u n me
we r gonna be together always
m gonna hold u now
m gonna tell u how
how we are gonna be together always
Saturday, November 20, 2010
untitled :)
To get to the top, you have to work your way from the people who don’t have and will never have the brains to understand what it takes to be on the top.
When I decided and rather started with my blog no body encouraged me.
When my friend decided to send a new theory instead of a model to IISc. No one encouraged him.
When my another friend showed interest in photography, people gave him hard looks.
The secret of success is not in C or HTML. The secret of success is no where inside the box of derivatives and integrals, nor it is buried under the layers of chemicals. The secret of success is in your heart.
What you feel you are destined to do, just take a shot at it. Fight the world and fight for your dream.
I have a friend who is making it big in his town with his videos posted all over youtube.
That’s the way you should decide about your life. That’s the way you should go. Not everyone is an engineer material. So everyone who reads this, just let your heart talk to you when you carve the path of your life. If you have already done that, than make sure you don’t force your influence on someone. One should do what he or she thinks is the best suited for him.
That might not be easy, the teething trouble is usually tougher than most of us can handle, the financial security is often missing in these trades. Everything looks so ugly when you think about it, but when you look at what you get after you succeed, you just let go of all these reasons.
They say, to be the star, you have to reach the stars.
You might expect support from your family, your parents. Does that really matter? I don’t think so.
Families are temporary; in fact everything is just so volatile in this world.
Today you live with your parents; tomorrow you will live with your kids. Your mom and dad will leave for the better half of the life, and you’ll get used to the fact that they are not there. Everyday and every second of your life, it will be only you who’ll be held responsible to what is happening to you. Nor parents, neither kids.
It is and will always be you for yourself. So make it big.
Live your dreams. :)
PS: i could not come up with any good title :P
When I decided and rather started with my blog no body encouraged me.
When my friend decided to send a new theory instead of a model to IISc. No one encouraged him.
When my another friend showed interest in photography, people gave him hard looks.
The secret of success is not in C or HTML. The secret of success is no where inside the box of derivatives and integrals, nor it is buried under the layers of chemicals. The secret of success is in your heart.
What you feel you are destined to do, just take a shot at it. Fight the world and fight for your dream.
I have a friend who is making it big in his town with his videos posted all over youtube.
That’s the way you should decide about your life. That’s the way you should go. Not everyone is an engineer material. So everyone who reads this, just let your heart talk to you when you carve the path of your life. If you have already done that, than make sure you don’t force your influence on someone. One should do what he or she thinks is the best suited for him.
That might not be easy, the teething trouble is usually tougher than most of us can handle, the financial security is often missing in these trades. Everything looks so ugly when you think about it, but when you look at what you get after you succeed, you just let go of all these reasons.
They say, to be the star, you have to reach the stars.
You might expect support from your family, your parents. Does that really matter? I don’t think so.
Families are temporary; in fact everything is just so volatile in this world.
Today you live with your parents; tomorrow you will live with your kids. Your mom and dad will leave for the better half of the life, and you’ll get used to the fact that they are not there. Everyday and every second of your life, it will be only you who’ll be held responsible to what is happening to you. Nor parents, neither kids.
It is and will always be you for yourself. So make it big.
Live your dreams. :)
PS: i could not come up with any good title :P
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
lost and found
When i was in bangalore i met my friend after 17 years, we kept in touch through facebook and orkut and hi5 but we met after 17 years. Now yesterday only i had a talk with a friend who was one of the closest people around me in my school. With time things changed and she moved to a new town and we lost touch.
I had so much to talk about and tell her. so many people to shit about. But the best thing was that we were friends again after clearing all the misunderstandings.
One of the most special thing of friends is that no matter after how long you talk, you talk as the way you used to.
I have lost some friends in college, who were very dear to me at one time but than with time things changed, i came to know some stuff which i never wanted to. When i find some of my friends from school and we talk again i think that may be one day these college friends will also come back,
A make friends easily and lose them easily too. Recently i deleted around 200 people from facebook. Don't want them to take this as a wrong gesture, but they would stay online for hours and still no hi or hello.... just to add them in fb cus we were frnds at one time, i don't want to keep mannequins in my friend list........
as of now m happy with all i got ..... :) too happy :)
happy to have u again my friend :)
I had so much to talk about and tell her. so many people to shit about. But the best thing was that we were friends again after clearing all the misunderstandings.
One of the most special thing of friends is that no matter after how long you talk, you talk as the way you used to.
I have lost some friends in college, who were very dear to me at one time but than with time things changed, i came to know some stuff which i never wanted to. When i find some of my friends from school and we talk again i think that may be one day these college friends will also come back,
A make friends easily and lose them easily too. Recently i deleted around 200 people from facebook. Don't want them to take this as a wrong gesture, but they would stay online for hours and still no hi or hello.... just to add them in fb cus we were frnds at one time, i don't want to keep mannequins in my friend list........
as of now m happy with all i got ..... :) too happy :)
happy to have u again my friend :)
Friday, October 15, 2010
10 things that a boy's hostel blesses you with
So this idea struck me when i was home, awake at 10 am, and was getting bored. Its really not easy for a guy to get cool with the discipline that his parents (read mom) try to inculcate him.
Anyways so i thought why not come up with the stuff that you can do in hostel but not at home and while i was discussing this with a friend, she told me that the list would be endless. So here i am, giving top ten points that i think effect you the most when you get back home.
10) you cant come home totally drunk with two guys helping you walk
9) you can't get up at 2pm/ sleep at 2 am ;P
8) you can't talk to your girl all night long
7) you can't invite your friends to play teen patti and shout when you lose
6) you can't spend 10 days without bath.
5) you can't smoke in your home
4) you can't stay unshaved for 10 days(this might be different for some)
3) you can't use BC MC or F**k while talking at home, in hostel these are like the most used words
2) You can't fart in the room :)
1) you cant watch porn with speakers on :) :D
Anyways so i thought why not come up with the stuff that you can do in hostel but not at home and while i was discussing this with a friend, she told me that the list would be endless. So here i am, giving top ten points that i think effect you the most when you get back home.
10) you cant come home totally drunk with two guys helping you walk
9) you can't get up at 2pm/ sleep at 2 am ;P
8) you can't talk to your girl all night long
7) you can't invite your friends to play teen patti and shout when you lose
6) you can't spend 10 days without bath.
5) you can't smoke in your home
4) you can't stay unshaved for 10 days(this might be different for some)
3) you can't use BC MC or F**k while talking at home, in hostel these are like the most used words
2) You can't fart in the room :)
1) you cant watch porn with speakers on :) :D
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